Emotions
by Her Name Is Erika
Summary: I’ll spend the rest of my PCA years, and perhaps the rest of my life with a beautiful girl I don’t even love. But for your happiness, I’ll take it and drown in my own selfpity. I’ll do it, because it’s simple, really. I love you, Lola… onesided ML


**A/N: My sixth Michael/Lola oneshot. That's how much I love this PAIRING! It's kind of dark, and angsty. I decided to give Michael a new side to him, when on the inside, he's so easy-going. I wondered what he was thinking about when he saw Lola/Lafe. It's going to be drabble-ish and I'm going to make Michael feel all of the negative emotions throughout the one-shot for a darker feel.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Zoey 101. My slight celebrity crush on Christopher Massey isn't relevant. **

**SET DURING/AFTER 'CURSE OF PCA'**

* * *

**Emotions**

"_You're way too beautiful girl  
That's why it'll never work  
You'll have me suicidal, suicidal  
When you say it's over…" – Beautiful Girls (Sean Kingston)_

**Anger**

"It's just a storm," Lafe says, causing Quinn to squeal angrily and attempt to strangle him, as you defend him. Damnit, Lola. How you amplify this rage so. You're oblivious to my angry glare, as I secretly wish Quinn had succeeded in asphyxiating him.

Luckily for you, my anger for the kid with the stupid name can be covered and directed on Logan. Being chased by green clouds, and a freakishly quick storm doesn't help.

"Let's just stop pretending like we don't know that was!"

"Don't say it!"

"It was a ghost!" I say, as Logan covers his ears like a five year old. As I argue with him, I see it.

Out of the corner of my eye, I see you and Mr. Just-A-Storm suck face again.

I suppress any evidence of grinning as Quinn pulls you away from _him_.

Yet my anger still resides because I know you'll run into his arms, and neglect my waiting ones.

**Hatred**

I hate that you're alone with him.

I hate that it's not me.

He doesn't deserve you. I know he doesn't know his way to Redstone Gulch. And he used that to get you all to himself. It worked, Lola. Honestly, if I wanted you all to myself, I wouldn't have endangered you, and gotten you lost.

I would have been funnier and more charming.

I hate that you actually find the fact that his Momma dropped him on the head too many times actually attractive.

Who finds brain damage attractive?

I hate him for getting to hold you.

I sort of hate you, Lola, because I can't stay mad at you even if I wanted to. I couldn't hate you if I tried. But I hate you for keeping my heart captive in your perfect hands, as you go by his side. It's a paradox with you – I hate you, but I love you a million times more, and damn it hurts.

I hate _myself_ because I'm wishing to be him right now.

**Jealousy**

I wish those lips were reserved for me.

I wish those mentioned lips were pressed against mine.

I wish those loving gazes were directed to me, instead.

I wish I could hold you, and kiss you so passionately; you'd remember it by leaving breathless. But he's doing everything I want. He's kissing you…giving you one of those soft mediocre kisses, yet you giggle and blush, those beautiful cheeks turning a tinge of pink.

I'm jealous, I'll admit it.

Zoey has Chase to look out for her, and he could be her bushy-haired knight in somewhat shining armor. They're so obvious.

You?

I may occasionally protect you from afar, but my name isn't the one you'll be thinking of tomorrow. You'll forget my heroics, but reward me with a smile, and one of those hugs I'll treasure even though it won't be that long.

Green isn't my colour anyway, but I'll still remain envious because you'll forget be blissfully happy with _Lafe_, as I sit back and painfully watch from the shadows.

This will probably help me embrace the colour green, against my will…

**Greed**

I've been hanging around Logan too long.

I don't care about which girl I'm dating because she doesn't matter. It's just something to forget about you, even if it's for a little while. It's a cruel thing and I actually feel bad for Lisa (even though I continue to string her along). I'm hurting her, and I don't even think she realizes where my eyes go, as I hug her.

From behind, I see you with Quinn and Zoey.

_I will have you, Lola, _I find myself thinking, and it's almost startling to see how hung up I am on you, but I can't help myself. _You will be mine._

Can't you see how much I want you?

No, nobody can.

Nobody can see how much I want you, as I'm "happy" with Lisa Perkins. I can't believe I'm doing this because I do care for her to a certain extent.

No one sees that I'm in love with you, when I have a girlfriend.

I'm a greedy son-of-a-bitch, I know, which is why you can't.

As I hold Lisa's hand and plant kisses on her, I'll quietly lust after you, suffering in silence.

I _really_ have been hanging out with Logan too long…

**Self-Pity**

What the hell makes Lafe so great?

Isn't it the way he looks, or remembers to pack mustard in his pockets before he hike? What are we going to use mustard for? Unless he has a sandwich hidden in his underwear somewhere, then he's truly messed up person, and I don't think I'll ever look at a sandwich the same way again.

It's like he sets me up for my own downfall, and I can't have you then I'll take it.

What is about him that makes him so high and mighty? Because he can eat an apple the right way?

Hell, even I could do that. Would you like me if I ate an apple to its core?

Something based on kissing ability, Quinn said. I could blame Quinn because of that because it's always her and the weird experiments.

Maybe it's true.

I'm not the guy for you. That doesn't mean I can dream, and fantasize, because in them, you were always the one for me. You still are, and even though cruel fate has said you'll be happy with him, I'll accept it.

I'll spend the rest of my PCA years, and perhaps the rest of my life with a beautiful girl I don't even love.

But for your happiness, I'll take it and drown in my own self-pity.

I'll do it, because it's simple, really.

_I love you, Lola…_

* * *

**A/N: Aww, this is sad. It makes me want to hug Michael better. **

**I don't care what anyone says. Michael/Lola can happen, and even if it doesn't and they get boyfriends/girlfriends, I'll be one of the crazy people jumping while pointing to the TV screen saying, "Oohhh, they're jealous! Look, Michael's pissed off majorly!" **

**That's how much I love this couple, and if you look you can see hints of it on the show (The Great Vince Blake…the part where Lola learns about Michael losing his sense of smell in one nostril), and how they took Chase's side on The Radio together…so HA! Michael/Lola lives!! **

**Anyway, on a sadder note, I've decided to only work on my existing stories, and finish them (my goal is ten of them) before I post any more new stuff. Even if I post new stuff, they'll be one-shots. I hope you guys understand. My classes are getting tougher, and I needed to resist the urge to write. **

**Check out my other stuff if you don't mind. A review also wouldn't hurt. In fact, it would make me feel so much better and help take my mind off of the slight cold I'm suffering. **

**Review, please?**

**-Erika**


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